Y2k Predictions

Prediction Time Kids

My personal predictions to what will take place on January 1st 2001 when the computer systems of the world will become confused and stop working because programmers in the mid 1900s didn’t think we all would live another 40 years.

1. Space Aliens will become viable Presidential Candidates

2. Dogs and Cats will pack up and move out of their human’s homes and get a flat in Art District of the closest Major City

3. Rush Limbaugh will explode just like “Mikey” from the Life cereal commerical did in the 1980s

4. Major League Baseball will make a deal with their players and let them use whatever drugs they want to, to make the game more exciting for ratings

5. The NBA Champions for Years 2001-2008 will be the Sacramento Kings, because Vlade Divac is a crafty veteran and Jason Williams can dribble and pass really good.

6. At Least one person will become a true mutant superhero and then Villain, because being a Villain pays better and Women seem to like the Bad Boys

7.  Teletubbies will revolt and attack their overlords causing the BBC to draw and quarter them in the Public Square

8. Michael Jordan will retire from basketball and take up Acting fulltime after his tremendous success in Space Jam… his top 3 movies will be:

  • Mr Jordan goes to Washington
  • Clear and Present Danger II
  • Mr and Mr Smith     (with Co-Star Charles Barkley)

9. Tupac, Biggie and Elvis will return and be real jerks about it

10. Randy Newman will direct a new National Anthem for every friggin country in the World, it will start out great and then he will get to Suriname and it will be mostly humming with the lyrics, “Not sure why I am singing about Suriname” and “Suriname more like Juriname am I right?”  (which will make no sense to anyone with good reason)

11. Monty Python will contact me about creating a new Monty Python for the 21st century and I will chose Eddie Izzard, Aziz Ansari, Russell Peters, a token blonde lady and my Uncle Steve as the performers… it will be glorious until my Uncle Steve ruins it with his racist slurs

12.  The Internet will get less and less popular

13. Lemonade Stands will become the new “Walmart”, and have everything and people will be okay with Child Labor, because the prices and convenience are way better then Walmart

14. The Stock Market will take the first 6 years of the new century off to travel the world and see many of the places they always wanted to see, but couldn’t

15. Disney will make Theme Parks accessible to any town over 5000 people, just like McDonalds… the Roller Coasters, Rides and Costumed Characters will vary by region.  Joe the Drunk will be one of the signature characters in BamaDisney

16. Atlantis will Announce its Independence to the Ocean and move to Bolivia

17.  Prince will make a new song called “Party like it’s 2999”  because the other song did really well and he wants to stay relevant

18. High Schools and Prisons will merge causing many issues that have yet to be resolved, yet will not change because Congress is busy with committee meetings about other issues

19. Superman will continue to evade detection by not wearing an outfit with a cape and a blue shirt with a big S on the front…

20.  The Los Angeles Lakers and Utah Jazz will relocate to Lakeland and Memphis respectfully to follow new NBA commissioner Captain Obvious’s lead of making the league make more sense to the common person.

21. I will become a billionaire, due to my intense want to and absolute lack of discernible skills to make it a reality.

There you have it ladies and gentleman I give you the Future



This entry was published on June 29, 2014 at 3:42 pm. It’s filed under Editorial and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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